Take My Hand
by xxJadelynWestxx
Summary: Tori Marie Vega. She's got her whole life ahead of her, but the way she's living life, she won't be living much longer. Jade Erin West. She's got her whole life ahead of her, but the way she lives it, one day, she'll take it too far. Can these two girls save each other? M for sexual references, language, self harm, and anorexia.
1. Chapter 1

_What are you doing to yourself? You're going to end up killing yourself. You're going to end up in a coffin, being buried in the dirt, six feet underground. People might cry. People might not. Well, hell, if they're not going to cry at my funeral, then what's the point? Why do they care what happens to me? I know damn well she won't. She'd laugh and she wouldn't even care. She'd probably end up spitting on my grave. Fuck. Why am I so weird? Ugh. Well, you have one more day to pretend that you're normal, then you have the weekend. Normal. You're normal. You're not weird. Alright, here we go._

Those are my thoughts on a daily basis. Every day, all day. It never fucking ends. Although, I wish it would. So, everyone in Hollywood Arts knows me as Tori Marie Vega. The perfect girl with amazing vocal chords. Friendly, beau-well, no. Skinn- no. Just, friendly and talented, basically. Well, that's what I think anyway. I know I'm a good singer because I've heard everyone tell me and I got to be in one of the best schools ever and I am friendly. I end up making a lot of new friends daily, so I am friendly. But, skinny and beautiful? No. I am certainly not those two. People tell me I am, but they don't look in the mirror to be seeing one of the ugliest and fattest things they've ever seen. I seriously feel self conscience about my hair, face, eyes, nose, lips, weight, boobs, even my ass! I feel self conscience about all those things and I don't know remember when any of this negativity started. I think it was in 4th grade when I had a crush on this really cute boy and his sister told me I had no chance because I was too fat and ugly for him. Words get to me, you know? Especially the negative words. Compliment me, I will believe it for a few seconds. Insult me, I will believe it for a lifetime.

And the worst part is, I'm not normal. In 7th grade, I realized I wasn't straight anymore. Guys would try to flirt with me, but I wasn't interested in them. I was interested in girls. Only girls! I told my family and I told a few of my friends, but my "friends" ran off telling the entire school I was a dyke. I remember coming home with a black eye and split open lip. My parents pulled me out of that school and sent me to a new one. There, I pretended to like boys. I had two boyfriends in middle school and I pretended I liked them and I have been pretending to like guys ever since then.

Like, I said before, I hate my body and my face. I feel ugly and fat. And you thought just being a lesbian wasn't normal? Well, think again. I don't eat much. And when I do, I end up throwing it all up. I will do anything to feel pretty and skinny once again.

As I walked into Hollywood Arts, I fixed my white long sleeve shirt to make it look good on me. I walked up to my locker and opened it and rummaged through the books in it.

"Vega!" I heard a familiar voice yell. I turned to see Jade walk up to me with her arms crossed across her chest.

"What?" I asked.

"I was wondering if you had coffee that you no longer wanted." She said with a small smile.

"No. I stopped drinking coffee."

"Looks like you stopped eating entirely." She remarked. "That shirt used to fit perfectly."

"Why do you care if I stopped eating, which I haven't." I lied. My eyes then widened as I realized what her last sentence meant. "Have you been checking me out?" I asked. Jade rolled her eyes.

"You're only asking that because now the whole school knows I'm bi."

"You're bi?" I questioned. She rolled her eyes.

"You didn't know that?" She asked. I shook my head. "Keep up, Vega."

"I'm sorry I don't know what's going on anymore." I said sarcastically.

"It was all over The Slap."

"I don't go on The Slap anymore."

"Of course you don't because you follow the no eating club on Tumblr."

"Jade!"

"What? It looks like you stopped eating or you don't eat as much."

"I eat."

"Let me guess, you throw it up afterwords?"

"Fuck you."

"Oh, you know you wish you could." Jade said with a small smirk as she pushed past me. I groaned in frustration as I slammed my locker shut.

"What a bitch." I mumbled. "A beautiful, sexy girl that could seduce anybody just by her eyes.

Like, I said, I am weird.

As I began walking to Sikowitz's class, I kept thinking about the fact that Jade was bi. I was so distracted, I ended up walking into a wall. I realized that I did when the pain shot up through my nose and I felt something liquid come out.

"Someone get Nurse Connor." Someone said as they witnessed my stupid accident. I covered my nose with my sleeve as Nurse Connor helped me to her office. I could hear the giggles and snickers from everyone around me. I felt so humiliated. Once we reached her office, she sat me down on the bed and tilted my head back.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Getting a tissue." She replied. I heard a rip and I tilted my head down. I watched as she rolled up a small piece of tissue and inched towards me.

"You okay?" She asked as she stuck the small piece of tissue up my nose to help with the bleeding.

"Yeah, thanks." I said, looking at the big blood blob on my white shirt. "That's gonna leave a horrible stain." I groaned.

"What were you thinking about, girl?" Nurse Connor asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the kids that witnessed your accident said you seemed distracted."

"Oh yeah. I don't really remember." I lied.

"Honey, you can tell me. I won't tell anybody." She said.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Okay," I said with a big sigh, "I was thinking about Jade West."

"The creepy girl?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Well, I'm sorta.." I trailed off.

"A lesbian?" She asked. I nodded. "And your crush is Jade?" She questioned. I nodded again.

"I can't help, but like her. She's passionate, sick, twisted, beautiful, sexy, and I can just imagine having sex with her."

"Tori.." Nurse Connor interrupted.

"What?"

"Save those thoughts for at home."

"Right."

"Do you want to wait until the bleeding stops to get to class?" She asked, changing the subject. I nodded my head.

"Yeah, I don't want Jade to see me with a tissue stuffed up my nose." I said with a small giggle. Nurse Connor smiled slightly, but soon frowned.

"Now, I can't help but notice that you're very skinny. I've noticed it a few weeks ago actually." She said.

"Really?" I asked. I could feel my lips curve into a smile.

"Are you happy about this?" She asked. I nodded.

"Very."

"Why? That's very bad. You look unhealthy."

"I don't care. At least, I'm skinny." I said, taking the tissue out of my nose and grabbing my bag.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"To class." I replied as I opened the door and walked out. I ran to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked skinny. I didn't look unhealthy. I felt healthy and skinny.

"Who cares what she says?" I said to myself. "I'm almost happy with how I look." I dropped my bag onto the floor and walked into one of the stalls, closing the door behind me. I fixed my hair to keep it out of my face and knelt down in front of the toilet.

"Here goes nothing."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So, I decided with each chapter, I will change perspective between Tori & Jade. This chapter will be in Jade's perspective. You understood Tori's past, now time for Jade's. I've always been interested in Jade's background and I will definitely try to make her background interesting for you guys. Just have to wait and see, I guess. Oh, and thanks for reviewing. **

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_Where the fuck is Vega? She was supposed to be here a half hour ago. What the fuck? Nurse Connor doesn't take long to mend a bloody nose. She must be doing something else. Ugh. She's so fucking stupid for doing that. She looked fine the way she used to look. Sexy, in fact. Okay, let's not think of that kind of stuff. Leave that for later. Oh, God. Shapiro, not again. Quit staring at my wrist you imbecile. That's right, look away you fucking.. Ugh. God, they're getting worse within each day. I should stop, but I can't. It's the only way to escape pain. God dammit. Why did Beck have to move on so quickly? And why does Tori have to be straight? I've always liked her since the moment I first met her. And why is my dad always on my fucking case about getting a job? God dammit. This shit just sucks._

My thoughts blocked my mind from learning anything that Sikowitz had to say. Yes, I know. Disturbing. But, it's not like I can help it. And I can't help the fact that I self harm. It's not really my fault. I was in 6th grade. Oh yes, young Jade. Anyway, there was this girl, Suzie Matthews. From the moment the bus picked me up at home to take me to school to the moment the bus dropped me off at home, she bullied me. Made my life a living Hell. That wasn't all, my parents were constantly fighting and whenever I would come around, they made it seem like the fights were my fault. Like, I ruined their marriage or something. One night, I came home from school with a black eye and my nose a bleeding mess and my parents didn't even seem to notice. They were too busy fighting and throwing things at each other. I ran to my room as they threw plates and glass cups my way. When I reached my room, the tears flooded my eyes. I sat on my bed not even caring what happened to me. I was too busy feeling the pain from my eye, my nose, and my heart. My eyes averted to the pencil sharpener on my desk and I grabbed it. I looked at the razor that was screwed in. I knew what I had to do, so I stole one of my dad's mini screw drivers and took the blade out.

That was the first time I had ever self harmed. It felt so nice to relieve pain. It felt amazing. I've been self harming since then. Sometimes, it's not even cutting. I'll grab a lighter and start to burn my wrists or my thighs. I self harm anywhere on my body, really. It's just so nice. It was the feeling of the razor digging deep in my skin that made me feel so alive and not like I was dying on the inside. The blood proved I was alive, too. I had been clean from self harm for a week and I found myself wearing short sleeve shirts again and whenever I sit next to or around Robbie Fucking Shapiro, he stares. He stares at the scars, which makes me want to cut even more to show him what it looks like before they become scars, but I never do.

The urges to self harm come back each day. It doesn't matter what time of the day it is, the urges will come back and I will try my hardest to ignore them, but I can't, so I end up scratching my wrist until I can get home to feed the urges. The urges are as if they are flames that need water. If you don't feed them, they will only grow worse like fire does when it meets gasoline. That's how the urges feel. They become so strong sometimes, I can't ignore them.

I turned my head as the door of Sikowitz's classroom slammed shut. There, standing as skinny as ever, was Tori. She smiled a fake smile and shrugged slightly.

"I'm sorry I'm late." She said. I rolled my eyes and turned my head back to Sikowitz. Sikowitz sighed and motioned towards the empty seat near me.

"Take a seat, Tori." He ordered. Tori made her way to the seat next to me and looked at me. I glared at her, as I looked at her from head to toe.

"What?" Tori whispered.

"I know what you were doing." I whispered back.

"What was I doing?" She asked. I motioned my finger going in my mouth and gagging. Tori rolled her eyes and flipped me off.

"I was not." She denied.

"You're just lying, now."

"Jade, it's none of your business and none of your concern, so fuck off."

"Alright then. But, before you kill yourself, listen to me when I say this, knock it off. It makes you look like you got hit by a bus." I turned my head to face Sikowitz again as I heard Tori sigh heavily. I looked at the clock above Sikowitz's head. Only a few more minutes before I got to go into the Janitor's closet and find the only thing that could stop the urges. My razor blade. I couldn't wait to see the blood leak out of the many cuts I would engrave on my arm. It was the only way I really knew I was alive, and not dead, like how I felt.

The bell ring and I was the first to jump up. I grabbed my bag and hurried out of the classroom as fast as I could to the Janitor's closet. I reached it and put my hand on the door knob. I looked around to make sure no one was coming and I opened the door. I quickly shut it and closed the blinds, so no one would see. I turned to see a can where I kept my razor and I opened it.

"There you are." I whispered. I grabbed my blade and dug it across my wrist. I could feel the urges slowly go away as I slid the blade across my wrist deeply. Blood leaked out of my cuts and I couldn't help, but stare. I didn't do anything to stop the blood from falling to the ground, I just watched it as if I've never seen blood before. The blood trickled down my wrist to my hand and fell on the floor. Every time this happened, I was so mesmerized by how much blood could come out from a few cuts. Although, they were pretty deep.

I don't know why, but the blood and the urges always were the reasons that made me come back for more. When I would burn myself, it was the burn marks and the way the flames on my skin made me feel. I was just addicted to the pain. It felt so good to have that kind of pain over the emotional, mental pain. Emotional and mental pain, I can't handle. Physical pain, I can handle.

After a few moments of watching my blood, I quickly grabbed a paper towel and I wet it down with the old sink. I put it on my wrist and cleaned up my cuts. The area around my wrist was a bright red and my cuts were huge. I quickly crossed my arms and walked out of the closet and walked to my locker as if nothing happened.

With one arm across my stomach, I opened my locker with the other. I rummaged through it and found my leather jacket, so I put it on.

"Hey Jade." I heard Tori's voice say. I looked at Tori and shut my locker.

"What?"

"I'm sorry for how I acted in Sikowitz's. I shouldn't have told you to fuck off."

"Right. I'm only trying to tell you that what you're doing isn't right."

"I know, but I just can't stop." I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, what were you doing in the Janitor's closet."

"Nothing. I was in there to get solitude." I came up with lies faster than anyone else. I was so used to telling my parents that my cuts were nothing, that the dog or the cat next door scratched me. They payed no mind to it, so why would anyone else.

"Why solitude?" Tori asked.

"Why do you have a thousand questions?" I snapped.

"I'm sorry. I was just curious."

"Well, stop being curious." I hissed and pushed passed her. Why would she want to worry about what happened in my life? It was my life. She had no concern with my life. She had no worry with it.

"Wait, Jade!" She said loud enough for me to hear from my locker to her locker. I turned to see her walking up to me. "Wanna get some coffee after school?" She asked. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"I thought you said you stopped drinking coffee." I questioned.

"Maybe today I can bend the rules." She said with a small smile. I smiled back, sarcastically.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I've got other plans." I said.

"Like, what?" She asked.

"I'm pretty sure my dad needs me to help with something like he always does when he comes home, so I don't have time." I said truthfully.

"We can make it quick." She begged.

"Tori, maybe sometime this weekend. If I feel up to it." I told her. "No promises." A smile curved on her lips.

"Alright. Just text me when you want to." She happily skipped away without any problem. To be honest, I really did want to go, but my dad always had something for me to do when he got home and if I wasn't home, he'd flip shit. If only Tori knew what my home life was like and how shitty my life really was.

And if only she knew the feelings that brewed up inside of me for her ever since I met her. She would freak out and never talk to me again. That's why I plan on keeping it a secret.


End file.
